One Major Reason Cheating Spouses Cheat

Infidelity in marriages today seems more common than in the past. This can be attributed to more openness towards human sexuality than in days gone by.

Since the 1960’s, the trend in society has been moving away from the old Victorian morals, that kept divorce, infidelity, and marriage closely guarded secrets that weren’t discussed in polite society.

Marriage was viewed as a closed institution that privately belonged to the couple within. Infidelity was not something to be discussed. When the problem did exist, it was covered up and hidden from public view. And divorce was considered ungodly. No proper individual would ever consider such measures.

However, with the advent of more education of human sexuality starting at an early age in schools and sexually explicit materials readily available via the internet, promiscuity has become more prevalent.

This environment deemphasizes the value and importance of committed relationships and has desensitized us to the pain caused by such casual associations.

After infidelity has infected a marriage, it can cause great pain to the partner that was cheated on, without the cheating spouse being aware of, or even understanding what the big deal is.

The problem is that there is more to the marriage relationship than just the sexual intimacy. Unfortunately, understanding the emotional bond between two people requires maturity that doesn’t exist in most individuals at the age they are first introduced to the subject of human sexuality.

Young adults enter into marriage with a much more casual attitude toward what commitment really is. This is the source of the problems that faces marriage today.

The casual nature of the sexual intimacy that bonds the marriage is weakened by the attitude that sexual activity is something that is okay to share outside the relationship. However, what isn’t taken into account is the emotional bond between two people that is shaken after the infidelity enters the picture.

A spouse that has this attitude needs to realize that their partner, most probably, doesn’t share it. This creates an environment that leads such individuals to rationalize that it’s okay to cheat when problems occur in the marriage, rather than working them out with their partner.

The elements that bond the two individuals together are not only sexual intimacy, but love, trust and respect. The methods to maintaining those bonds are communication and the sharing of ideas, feelings, and thoughts between the couple. This is where the maturity comes into play.

In order to cope with infidelity, the betrayed partner often severs the lines of communication with the offending spouse due to the belief that the cheating partner understands the hurt they have caused them. Therefore, they conclude the offending spouse must have been unfaithful just to cause them pain. When in reality, it is simply the actions of an unaware individual.

Whether you’re the betrayed partner or the clueless cheater, the solution is basically the same. The unfaithful partner has to be able to understand what their actions mean emotionally to their spouse.

Without the disloyal spouse acquiring the understanding of the significance of their partner’s level of hurt, the cheating partner is likely to repeat this mistake again, and again. Not just through their current relationship, but through any relationships that may follow.

So, if your partner has cheated, and you are wondering whether to give them a second chance, it is very important that you impress upon them how deeply their actions have hurt you. If you can make them understand this then recovery is good. If not, then you’re on the path to divorce. Infidelity will repeat itself simply because your spouse views it as ‘no big deal’.

Todd Hill and Phyllis Stein-Hill are marriage counselors extraordinaire. For more great information on infidelity in marriages, visit their website http://www.MarriageAndInfidelitySecrets.com and subscribe to their FREE email mini course "TEN KEY SECRETS OF INFIDELITY AND YOUR MARRIAGE". Also, get Todd and Phyllis’s latest eBook "Surviving an Unfaithful Spouse" for even more valuable information.